I just don’t get

I enjoy seeing the craftsmanship of others, but every now and then you see a wooden creation and wonder: What were they thinking? But people actually buy these things, so they must be doing something right. 

Let’s start with something I've mentioned before — mixing multiple wood species in the same project. Nothing says, “I can’t decide” like a cabinet or chest made from a rainbow of maple, walnut, cherry, oak, and maybe some padauk or purpleheart tossed in for color. A bit of contrast works fine, but six species screaming for simultaneous attention is anarchy wrapped in polyurethane. 

Then there’s blowtorch finishing. When, exactly, did "arson" become “artisan?” If you really know what you're doing, traditional Shou Sugi Ban — a centuries-old Japanese technique — can be beautiful. But grilling Big Box 2x4s with a miniature flamethrower doesn’t create art. It creates a crispy-critter project that smells like a housefire. 

Wooden lawn ornaments mystify me. I love clever design, but a scarecrow-on-a-stick or the ever popular old-lady-bending-over-showing-her-bloomers? Whirligigs and birds with propeller wings accelerating as if challenging SpaceX? Wood used this way deserves better, even if it’s in a warming fire. Hey, another use for that blowtorch! 

How did cowboy silhouettes become a thing? You can get one at any craft show or country store — flat, painted-black plywood cowboys leaning on trees, hanging their heads wondering what they did to deserve this. I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s said, “You know what would enhance the front of my immaculate house? Cheap plywood people!” 

And while we’re in the yard, how about wooden outhouses — sometimes miniature, sometimes full-size, always tacky. Nothing says “Welcome to my home” like a latrine on your lawn. 

Finally, the tipped-over wooden flower barrel. I guess it’s supposed to look like a waterfall or spilled flowers, but it mostly looks like they’re trying to escape with their dignity. 

Honest, creative craftsmanship doesn’t need a gimmick, but if you have a market, I guess you make what sells and leave taste up to the buyers.