Found this on the Internet the other day. It's good for a chuckle.
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock or pieces of wood out of your hands
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench. Also removes fingerprints.
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
PLIERS: Used to quickly and efficiently round off bolt heads.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: Transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion.
VISE-GRIPS: Used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall and abdominal strength.
BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut expensive wood into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside.
SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.
PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket you are attempting to remove.
HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.