Fun with euphemisms

I don't know about you guys but I'm thinking about putting euphemisms on my list of pet peeves along with “buzz words.”

Buzz words (and or phrases) are probably the most aggravating since it seems like everyone feels compelled to use them. And the most aggravating of all (at least for me) is "on the ground.”

These days, it seems like everybody is "on the ground". Well, where the hell else would they be ??? In the air, maybe, but are most of us not "on the ground" pretty much most of the time? And most of the stuff on the planet is also "on the ground". This seems obvious so why do we need to be continually reminded of it?

So "on the ground” is a buzz word (or phrase) that is used as a euphemism for "there". You are not "there" anymore. You are "on the ground". I was "on the ground" at the grocery store yesterday and they had a great price on cabbage. Which used to be "on the ground" in northeast Wisconsin but then was "on the truck" and later "on the shelf" Humm... not nearly as cool sounding as "on the ground"....

As for euphemisms, I am continually amazed at the genius of the marketing people who take something that represents an obvious downgrade and by applying a clever euphemism, make it sound like an enhancement. The first one that comes to mind is "double insulated". Now how could double insulation possibly be a bad thing? Funny thing is, right around the time that this term came into use, hand held power tools began to appear with plastic handles and grips. Handles and grips that had previously been made of metal or wood. Now if the manufacturers of these tools had simply said, "Now with plastic handles and grips instead of metal or wood ones," no one would have thought of it as a good thing. But "double insulated" tools? Definitely good!

A couple more of my "favorites":

"Permanently lubricated" and/or "sealed" bearings = Cannot be lubricated
"Maintenance free" = Cannot be repaired
“Easy adjustment” = Will not hold settings; must be constantly adjusted
4/4 = Well ... it used to be an inch thick ....
"Thermofused melamine panels" = Plastic coated particle board
"Negative gain" = I lost money on that job

D.D.