Tools A.J. should never use

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I’ve discussed lately how I’m a can’t-leave-well-enough-alone kind of guy. Folks of my type shouldn’t use certain tools, for mostly obvious reasons.

I trimmed all our shrubbery yesterday – our landscaping features 25 bushes of various sizes in our front yard – and since I didn’t do it last year you can imagine what an all-day job it was. Naturally, during the trimming of each bush there came a point where it was good enough. Just as naturally, I went past that point. The end result was that even though I did a good trimming job, each bush was somewhat smaller than originally intended. They look great, but even if I had overdone it, hey, they grow back. But one of these days …

Thus, hedge trimmers should be on my list of should-never-use tools. Hair-trimming scissors, too, for the same reason. (Yeah, hair grows back, but I’ve given myself some truly awful trims because – wait for it – I can’t leave well enough alone.) Other items on the list:

• Sandpaper (when combined with veneer; otherwise OK)
• Blender (everything comes out pureed)
• Food processor (ditto)
• Hand plane (just gotta take one more pass)
• Pencil sharpener (I’ll grind a whole pencil for a perfect point)
• Clamps (gotta give them just one more twist)
• Nails (if one is good, 47 are better)
• Screws (see nails)

There are probably countless more tools that belong on this list, but this is what I came up with off the top of my head.

Speaking of which, I think I need a bit of a trim.

Till next time,


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