Superhero tools

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There aren’t a lot of movies about tools, so it’s a pleasure when one breaks box office records, as “The Avengers” did this weekend. A movie about tools? Yep.

“The Avengers,” the highly anticipated movie teaming several superheroes, made an astounding $200 million in three days. But without the proper tools, those superheroes aren’t much; in fact, they’re not super at all. Let’s take a look at the Avengers team.

The Hulk doesn’t carry a tool (he barely has pants), but Dr. Bruce Banner developed a tool that irradiated him with gamma rays. Therefore, whenever Hulk mutters, “Hulk smash!” it’s really that gamma-ray generator doing the smashing.

Black Widow uses an array of high-tech tools and gadgets, from guns to grappling hooks, to get the job done. Hawkeye, meanwhile, is an expert archer, but can’t accomplish a thing without bow and arrows. That last is important: If he runs out of arrows, that bow is just a nail gun without nails.

Captain America does have powers like superior strength and agility (which were, like the Hulk, bestowed on Steve Rogers by a scientist’s tool), but all that keeps him alive when bad guys are trying to cut him to ribbons is his shield. It’s like SawStop, except he carries it around with him.

Don’t get me started on Iron Man. Woodworkers carry a toolbox, in which we keep every tool we might possibly need, but Iron Man skips the middleman and just wears his entire toolbox. Without it, Tony Stark’s merely a suave, handsome, billionaire-genius playboy. Except for the billionaire part, you might as well be talking about me.

And the most obvious of the lot, or course, is Thor, whose tool of choice is something all woodworkers can relate to – a hammer. They say that when your only tool is a hammer, all problems look like nails. Since Thor uses his hammer to pound every problem into submission (or into pulp, which accomplishes the same thing), it all works out well.

Now, there are superheroes from other movies and comics with powers and abilities far beyond those of mortal men – Superman comes to mind – but the rest absolutely require tools, paired with their talents, to save the day and/or world.

With that in mind, you’re much more likely to be standing in line behind one of them at your local Home Depot or Lowe’s than you will Clark Kent.

A.J.

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