Dear John letter

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Dear woodworking supplier, furniture maker and/or tool manufacturer. I’m sorry to do this on Valentine’s Day, but I’m afraid it’s just not working.

This is the hardest thing for me to do, so I won’t drag it out. The last thing I want to do is hurt you.

I feel kind of smothered with your constant thoughtfulness, you know? It used to be the occasional email, but then it became weekly. And now you’re demanding my attention sometimes a couple times a week. Your constant devotion used to be so cute; I would always smile whenever I saw you listed in the FROM field of my inbox. Now, sadly, it’s gag-inducing.

And it’s not that your emails have lessened in their content; no, the content is pretty much the same. Over, and over, and over. But being a woodworking professional and writer, I’ve found myself on just about every mailing list imaginable. (Yes, I’m ashamed to admit that there have been others.) My email box is overflowing, and I just can’t keep up with it all. I yearn for more freedom.

I won’t be so heartless as to send you an unsubscribe email myself; that would be embarrassing for both of us. Yahoo Mail has a great new feature where I can drag your email/flyer/deal-of-the-week to a special unsubscribe folder and they take care of the rest. I think that will help to spare your feelings; I know it will mine. Fortunately, there’s no limit to how many I can drag there, so you’ll have plenty of company.

You and I were something special once. But just as the seasons change, so do hearts, and mine’s about ready for an angioplasty. In closing, let me say that it’s not you; it’s me. I’m still very fond of you, and I respect you. I really hope we can still be friends.

Have a good life,

A.J.

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