Company rules
With dinner guests coming tonight, theres a flurry of cleaning efforts going on in the Hamler house. Im expected to tidy up my personal areas. That means my shop. Well,…
With dinner guests coming tonight, theres a flurry of cleaning efforts going on in the Hamler house. Im expected to tidy up my personal areas. That means my shop.
Well, OK; I wont fight that. When we have company I tidy up the shop anyway in case we wander out there. But tonights company consists of a good friend of Sallys and her husband, who Ive never met. But heres the thing: Hes a woodworker, which means I also must prepare my shop for another woodworkers inspection. And there are rules to follow:
Rule 1 There must be a completed project in there, preferably the best thing youve ever made.
Rule 2 There must be a work-in-progress with fresh cuts so it smells good. Another woodworker can tell if the cuts are fresh, so even if its a project you abandoned years ago, drag it out and make a few fresh cuts. Or just drill some holes in it.
Rule 3 A well-placed, but small, pile of sawdust/shavings/chips is mandatory. Somewhere. Anywhere. Clean up everything else as if you were going to eat off it, but put that pile near a machine that you would likely have used recently, even if you havent touched it for months.
Addendum to Rule 3 There can be no dust on a tool that might indicate its just been sitting around unused for months.
Rule 4 A new, gloat-worthy tool must be casually left out. If you dont have one, borrow or buy one.
Addendum to Rule 4 A beautiful piece of stock must be visible so you can describe at length the special project youll use it for. As above, if you dont have one go buy one, then make up a story.
Rule 5 Take a quick inventory. In case he asks if you have something you can reply, Why, sure; Ive got one of those, then go right to it.
Rule 6 No matter how clean, you must have a few beverage containers about. This proves youve been in the shop recently. Half-filled coffee cups and soda cans are ideal, but replace if theres sawdust or mold floating on top. A partially eaten doughnut is an extra touch.
Till next time,
A.J.

A.J. Hamler is the former editor of Woodshop News and Woodcraft Magazine. He's currently a freelance woodworking writer/editor, which is another way of stating self-employed. When he's not writing or in the shop, he enjoys science fiction, gourmet cooking and Civil War reenacting, but not at the same time.